The Five Steps
by hersheygal
Summary: Jack goes through the five steps of grief when he finds out that Kate and Sawyer are together. Crazy Jack ensues. One shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.

A/N: I had this crazy idea yesterday and wanted to write about it.

(Denial)

Jack walked out of his tent, smiling happily at Charlie who was sitting with Claire.

"Hey Charlie!" Jack called to him.

"Hi Jack." Charlie looked at him and then back at Claire.

Jack continued on, to find Sawyer grinning. "Hey Doc, sorry you had to see that last night."

"See what?" Jack asked.

Sawyer raised his eyebrows. "You forgot about it already? You ran screaming out of the tent when you saw us."

"Oh that was nothing." Jack grinned. "Kate loves me."

"No she doesn't."

"Yeah she does."

"What's going on here?" Kate asked as she walked over to him.

"Sawyer thinks you don't love me." Jack laughed.

"Um.. I don't." Kate said.

Jack looked at her, confused. "Why are you lying?"

"I'm not lying Jack." Kate walked over to Sawyer and he just shook his head.

Jack continued to stare at her until it came to him. "Oh! I get it! Of course! You _d_o hate me." Jack gave her a secret wink that wasn't so secret.

Kate looked at Sawyer and Sawyer shrugged.

"I guess we weren't meant to be." Jack said loudly. He walked over to Kate and whispered in her ear. "I'll meet you at my tent in ten minutes." He gave her a kiss on the cheek and then walked away, singing some love song.

Kate looked at Sawyer, panicking.

"Don't look at me Freckles!" Sawyer laughed. "He thinks you're in love with him."

"But he walked in on us last night, how could he think that?"

(Anger)

Later on that day Sawyer was watching Kate pick fruit in the jungle when they heard a loud commotion. Kate climbed down the tree and they walked quietly over to the clearing.

Jack was chopping wood and then picking it up, throwing it up against other trees.

"Augh!!!!" Jack yelled as he threw the logs up against the tree.

"What's up Doc? What's with the whole hulking out thing?" Sawyer and Kate stepped into the clearing.

Jack turned, and his eyes widened. Kate wondered if they were going to pop out.

"YOU!" Jack pointed to Kate, and Kate stepped back. He turned to Sawyer and started to yell at him. "I loved her first and she loved me! You stole her from me!"

"Calm down Doc."

"You know what!$#& you Sawyer!$#& you!"

Sawyer and Kate looked up as Jack yelled out a string of obscenities. "What's that noise?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. It's some kind of beeping sound." Sawyer said.

"And you know what Kate, I never liked you! You are a fat !$#&#!" Jack screamed.

"That noise is annoying!" Sawyer complained as Jack continued.

"And Sawyer I'm so sick of your $#&!." Jack stormed over to the logs and threw a bunch of them on the ground as he screamed.

Kate and Sawyer stared at him, speechless.

Jack turned around and sat on the ground with his hands around his knees, rocking back and forth. "Count to five, count to five, count to five."

Kate slowly approached Jack as he continued. "It's okay Jack."

(Bargaining)

Jack turned around and looked at Kate, pleadingly. "Come on Kate, you know I love you. I'll change. I promise. Anything you want."

"Jack you don't have to change. I do love you." Kate said comfortingly.

"You do?!?" Jack's face brightened.

"As a friend." Kate held her hands up in front of her.

Jack frowned and continued to rock back and forth.

Kate looked at Sawyer and motioned for him to do something. Sawyer shook his head and Kate motioned harder.

"Hey Jacko. You act like that and Kate will never like you."

Jack stopped and stared at Sawyer. "She'll never like me?"

"No."

(Depression)

"Uh oh." Sawyer said.

"What? Kate asked.

"Jack's face is starting to screw up."

And sure enough, Jack burst into tears two seconds later. "All I want is your love!" He sobbed. He covered his face with his hands as Kate and Sawyer watched him.

"Kate, do something." Sawyer said.

"What?"

"Anything. Make out with him."

"I won't lead him on!"

Jack stood up and sniffed as he walked into the jungle.

"See, he's fine!" Kate smiled.

(Acceptance)

Two seconds later Jack came back with a t-shirt on that said, "I got dumped by Kate and survived." He wore black clothing and his hair was in a Mohawk, even though he had hardly any hair to do it with. He wore black eyeliner and had even gotten some new tattoos.

Sawyer and Kate stared at him in awe as he walked over to them.

"Hey." Jack said coolly.

"Hi." Kate said.

"So uh, you guys are together?"

"Yeah." Sawyer said.

Jack nodded. "Okay. " He walked away and Kate and Sawyer sighed in relief.

The next day, Jack was back to normal without the Mohawk and tattoos. Kate and Sawyer thought everything was all right until they overheard Jack talking to Sayid. "So yeah. Kate and I are doing great. I think we might even start a family."

"But I thought that Kate and Sawyer.."

"They broke up a long time ago." Jack grinned.

Sawyer hit himself in the face, and Kate sighed.

"Wait." Sawyer said.

"What?"

"I've read about this before, in some magazine. When something bad happens, they go through a cycle. I can't really remember the steps, but I might have the magazine somewhere." Sawyer said.

"Well go find it."

Sawyer left and found the magazine. When he got back to Kate, she started to laugh. "Good Housekeeping?"

"I was desperate!" Sawyer glared at Kate.

"The Five Steps of Grief and how to deal with it." Kate read from the cover.

Sawyer flipped to the page. "Okay so the first step is denial."

"Yeah he's doing that right now."

"You know what Sayid? I don't give a &$#! about what you think!" Jack yelled, standing up.

"What the &$#!?" Sawyer jumped as the beeping noise came on again.

"What's going on with that?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, but Jack's in the anger stage now." Sawyer said.

"I'm sorry Sayid, Tell you what, if you get Kate to love me, then I'll offer you free doctor services for the rest of your life."

"Bargaining." Sawyer said.

"You already offer me free doctor services." Sayid pointed out.

"Yeah well.." Jack trailed off. He stared at Charlie and Claire, who were taking a walk down the beach. "I wish I was like them." Jack said. "I wish Kate loved me." Jack sank to the ground.

"Depression." Sawyer said.

Sayid stared at Jack's shaking shoulders as he buried his head in his hands. "It's.. it's okay." Sayid awkwardly patted Jack's back before quickly retracting his hand.

Jack turned and sobbed into Sayid's shirt, and Sayid's eyes widened. "Why doesn't anyone love me?" Jack wailed.

"Look Jack, Kate doesn't love you, but.." Sayid desperately tried to think of something that would get Jack off of him. "I'm sure someone else will."

Jack sat up and sniffed. "Really?"

"Of course. You're a good guy Jack."

"Really?" Jack started to smile.

Sayid nodded and stood up.

"Thanks Sayid."

Sayid nodded again and ran off before Jack had another mood swing.

Jack sat peacefully in the sand and Sawyer and Kate watched him. "So this is acceptance?" Kate asked.

"Yeah."

"How long do you think it will be before he goes into the cycle again?"

Sawyer skimmed the magazine. "It looks like he's done now. He needed encouragement, and Sayid gave him that. He should be fine."

"Okay. Let's just make sure he doesn't see us together that often." Kate said.

Sawyer nodded.

Jack stood up and walked over to them. "Hey Kate."

"Hey Jack."

"So you wanna do dinner tonight?"

Kate and Sawyer exchanged glances. "Um, Jack, I'm with Sawyer."

"No you're not."

Kate and Sawyer groaned loudly and they both looked at each other as they muttered, "Denial."


End file.
